Its KEY

Oh the FUN in being a grown up

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, News, Self Improvement, TV Shows on June 2, 2015 at 6:57 am

how-to-be-a-grown-up
While sitting in the living room this weekend wondering what in the world I’m going to do with all of my “mommy time” when the kid starts college this fall, a show titled, “BEING A GROWN UP” came on [TruTV] and did an awesome job of recapping how I got to this place and gave insight into where this “grown up thing” may be going from here. Have you seen the show? Regardless, I have to share this episode for others abroad who might be suffering from some of the symptoms.

First subject to tackle is gift giving. Every couple has anniversaries…

Al Jackson: Look, you’re a grown up and it’s important to understand that important to buy your spouse the right gift.

Erin Foley: Whenever they mention anything like, “I could use that, yeah I need that,” — write it down, make a list.

Christina Pazitzky: when you’re younger and this is a couple, you don’t know each other and you can buy them anything, cart blanche, like I’m gonna surprise him with this and he’s going to love it. But then when you actually know somebody you know there are like5 things that really excite him.gift card buying

John Caparulo: I don’t know how to buy my wife a gift, after an engagement ring and a car. I can’t really top those things…

Al: Any occasion when your wife goes, “It’s no big deal,” it’s a huge deal!

Tom Segura: Here’s when you give gifts: on birthdays, because we’re married and Christmas and nothing else.

Christina: That’s actually right.

Kira Soltanovich: My husband gives me grown up gives which means me and a korean woman with an hour by ourselves.

John: My wife got me a bide seat and anybody who knows me, knows that I like to have a cleaner but. It might be my favorite thing in the world — I mean next to her, of course.

Erin:  Women over analyze every gift. Maybe she’s like, “Oh I want to stretch more, I want a yoga mat” – then you get her a yoga mat and she says, “I’m fat! Is this not good enough for you?

Greg Fitzsimmons: Me and my wife exchanging gifts usually involves one person buying the other person a gift card drawn from our joint checking account. It’s got all of the romance as a prisoner exchange.

growing_up_normal1

HOW TO DEAL with your GROWN UP BODY

It was 2-years ago while doing leg stretches that I threw my back out. I couldn’t believe something that was nothing turned into what seemed like a never ending (14-days at least) ordeal. The pain was unreal and I could not walk at all for about 3 of those days. I was tickled pink about it. I laughed so hard, I thought I’d get an ab cramp, (thank God I didn’t), but just to know that I was stretching – something I’ve been doing for years – put me on the injury reserve list, was hilarious. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone:

Fahim Anwar: You just have to accept the fact that your body is breaking down now that you’re older. When you used to get hurt, the doctor would run tests and do X-Rays, but now they just look you straight in the eye and go “You’re 30.”

Erin:  After you turn 30 just go ahead and have a chiropractor and physical therapist on emergency dial. Just go ahead, because you’re going to bend over and then you’re like, ‘BLAH! My life is over – there goes my back, there goes my knee.’

Mo Mandel: The saddest thing about getting an injury as an adult is that the cause of the injury isn’t cool anymore. When you’re were a kid your injury was because you were skateboarding, now you get injured because you slept weird.  ‘What happened to you? — Aw. A nap.’

Kira: I was buttering bread the other day — jacked me up for a week.

Greg:  Here’s my wife favorite story:  I get up one morning to urinate, lifted the lid and threw my back out. That makes her laugh. Nice woman.

Kira: You have to stretch out your elbow, did you know that? When you’re a grown up, when you butter bread.

Mo:  It’s never a good idea to Google your injuries because the internet just makes them seem worse. It’s like “Oh your leg hurts? It’s probably cancer. Your eye hurts? Probably cancer. You already have cancer? It’s probably aids.”

Al:  You can not trust the internet – trust your buddy whose had 10 beers he knows what he’s talking about.

Erin:  When you’re were young, you were like, “Get me a doctor!” but now you’re like “Shhhh. How bad is it? I mean, yes, I can see the bone but can I make this work from home?

caffeine-article

Full of natural energy I’ve long hailed that I’m a hot chocolate girl, but then one late night when there was a deadline due… suddenly I realized hot chocolate is for kids. I’m obviously not a kid anymore.

Erin: When you’re younger you have so much unbridled energy and now as you get older and you take on more responsibilities you’re just like, “I’m gonna need more caffein.

Asif Ali: It’s the only thing that’s not medicine that we’re just allowed to take copious amounts of.

Fahim: Coffee seems to be the socially acceptable way to caffeinate. You, you can’t be at your cubicle with a 2-liter of Surge Cola. You’re a grown up now.

Asif: I have a theory that energy drinks are going to be straight up illegal 10-years from now. They smell like battery acid. When you drink them, it does something to your body – like no ones heart should beat that fast.

Tom: I do not drink energy drinks, because I do not participate in the X-Games and I don’t re-enact scenes from the Fast and Furious, so I kind of stay away from that.

Christina: Can I tell you what annoys baristas as a former barista: obviously #1. Know your order when you get up there.

Al: I remember going and watching my dad get coffee, he would order a coffee from a women who turned around and poured it into a cup then turned back around and gave it to him. Now every coffee order is like some riddle.

Christina: #2. Don’t ask your barista to customize everything to death. Okay? Don’t ask them to put 2 1/2 splenda’s in it. That’s what the condiment section is for. You can do that yourself man. #3. Don’t order decaf. You’re ordering decaf? Screw you!

Tom: How much can you have? As much as you want. You’re a grown up. Shake like a tweeter. I don’t care.

Kira: Your local barista is a drug dealer, they’re like “Yeah, you like that. You like that? What you need? I got mocha, I got pumpkin latte. What’chu need?

Asif: Theres nobody just standing by the coffee pot like a bartender saying, “Hey buddy, you’ve had way too much.”

Erin:  I can’t drink any more caffein like after 11 or 12, otherwise it will effect me the whole day. Like I’ll start shaking and making a lot eye contact – I turn into a crazy person. I’m up at 2-o’clock in the morning like, “Yeah, I should do that – I should paint the house.

Comics-TruTV

decorative-line-divider1

Growing up is fun, though being grown is quite the learning test
I do a lot of things well, but unsure of what is ‘my best!’

Gifting giving paints me the receiver and I’m glad to be on the receiving end
My guy is quite the high school beau – we’ve put a couple of decades in.

We are grown ups by every sense of the word and honestly I think it’s cool.
No kids reside in our domestic nest – one in occupation and one in school.

I like sipping the bean – a good strong cup of jo
energy refueling to maintain my busy and high powered to and fro.

But I like Erin, can’t drink too much
especially if there is DUTCH BROS. in my cup.

Starbucks has been kicked to Orion and with it a pack of cigs.
I don’t smoke or hang at the barista spoke, I’ve opted for a Keurig.

Mocha latte is my a.m. quip.
I do it with chocolate and sweet condensed milk.

I do it with my hubby before the sun comes up.
There’s a lot of fore play to the day in that cup.

Oh the fun in being a grown up. Do I miss my kids? Sure.
I’m Qui
Enjoying life, with no adolescent strife. Living HAPPY is the only cure.

I’m happy this morning to be a grown up!
For you I bid goodness, a good cup of jo and a lot of love.
I appreciate you coming by. Here’s a big )))HUG(((
Come Again.

What the L

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, Networking on May 29, 2015 at 1:31 am

talk-about-affairs

Good afternoon good people, take a hit and pass
I’m not on a mission about dissin’ – I’m all about the laugh.

Reality is running rampart, may comedy dispel,
and this little segment is something I like to call:

what-the-l

happy divider

LAWYER ON HIS DEATHBED

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.

Jack, I’ve got to confess — I’ve been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I’m the father of your daughter, and I’ve been stealing from the firm for a decade.”

“Relax,” says Jack, “and don’t think another thing about it. I’m the one who put arsenic in your martini.”

CHRISTMAS BONUS

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.

DELIVERY COINCIDENCES

Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, “Congratulations, you’re the father of twins.”
“What a coincidence,” the man says. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”
A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of triplets.”
“That’s really an incredible coincidence,” he answers. “I work for the 3M Corporation.”
An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.
The man says, “I don’t believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence.”
After hearing this, everyone’s attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, “I should have never taken that job at Century 21.”

what-the-LYou know how I feel about a good mind and most engineers have them…

THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, “If you kiss me and turn me back, I’ll do whatever you say!”

Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?”

The engineer says, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”

police-pointing-thumbailDISARMING THE GUARD

Lem: “I got fired from my job as a bank guard.”
Clem: “That’s awful. What happened?”
Lem: “Well, a thief came in, and I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.”
Clem: “What did the thief do then?”
Lem: “He took one more step, so I let him have it. I didn’t want that stupid gun anyway.”

Smile broadly – like you’re slick and peak a little peer curiosity,
I’m Qui
Laughing with you via la comical veracity.

What the L?
Everybody needs to stop and laugh for a spell.

dog-funny-animated

[Jokes compliments of jokes.cc.com]

She’s walking – Time to Emotion check.

In Communication, Griot, Networking, Self Improvement on May 27, 2015 at 11:32 am

The Cupcake Chique & Qui16-years ago my hubby went to a little store called StrideRite and bought the cutest pair of white (hard top) walking shoes. They were the cutest thing. Our daughter was 13-months old and walking, but I didn’t ask for shoes. I asked for the crib be assembled, and for the Winnie The Pooh bedding be put into place, including and especially the rail bumpers. I asked that the Winnie The Pooh wall decals be put up. I even asked for that cute little Pooh lamp to be placed on her night stand – it comforted her through a few late night rain storms, when she couldn’t sleep – but I didn’t ask for walking shoes. Fashion baby shoes with soft soles were fine, I mean, I knew she couldn’t go out bare footed, but it’s something about the attached commitment to buying walking shoes that I didn’t want to sign off on. I knew that once she had walking shoes, she’d be walking out of here for higher learning, dates, and ultimately walking down the aisle and into her own household.
No! I didn’t ask for walking shoes.

I asked my husband to take them back, but he had already made peace with the situation that was LIFE UNFOLDING, he laughed at me and put them onto her feet. That was 16-years ago. It was a joke then. I joked that I didn’t ask for walking shoes, but somewhere deep on the inside — I think I meant it.

16-years have passed since she received her first pair of walking shoes, over the last 4-years she traded them in for running shoes and joined the cross country and track teams. This kid has walked, ran, and sprinted through the last 16-years. I’ve enjoyed every motion, every stride, still consider had she done it soft soled shoes — maybe she wouldn’t have done it so quickly, but then again, she may have orthopedic problems. lol! :) 16-years has only felt like a few. I still blame the shoes. However, judging by the way she’s walking into college, I’d have to say those shoes were actually pretty awesome! Look at her form.

decorative-line-divider1

I said, “Daddy, don’t do it!” but he bought those darn shoes anyway
and today is the day that she turns a new page and graces the commencement stage.

She and her friends think it’s ‘all the rage,’ but to me, it is a change in progress.
She’ll be in a dorm and fine and the domestic time will be mine, we’ll both survive at best.

Life goes on and we’ll all keep walking
but to her father, I won’t be talking. :)

No one asked him to buy those shoes at all.
Now a new life awaits the mini-me, still small.

Without stall she will receive her high school diploma – today,
I’m Qui
Fixing my face, my mind and my attire to see my daughter walk away…

It’s the life we prepped her for, the one she’s been yearning.
Today my high schooler graduates and walks into higher learning.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 79 other followers