I could not help but repost this awesome piece from ClutchMagOnline.com. It is so befitting in the face of General Patreaus’ side chick(s) scandal. Speaking of scandal, the whole debacle seems like it could have easily fitted into this seasons SCANDAL series. ABC writers have been relentless in scripting juicy filth for the primetime soap opera. Have you been watching? Wether you have or not, General Patreaus’ scandal trumps. For it is real life. Without further ado, clutch your pearls and enjoy the Basic Rules for Being a Side Chick, as reported by Demetria L. Lucas:

I’ve published this with a bit of trepidation. Years ago, a fellow writer-friend wrote a similarly titled post about how to be a good jump off and hell fire and damnation rained upon him from across the Internet.  To be clear: in no way am I suggesting that a side-chick is a role to strive for (nor is being the “main chick”, the implication being that there’s you and others). I am, however, suggesting if that Girlfriend Number Two is the role you have settled upon, then you must stay in the lane you chose or leave the “relationship”.

It seems like everyone and their mama is talking about former CIA head David Petraeus, who resigned on Friday due to an extra-marital affair. It was on the front page of most newspapers and their accompanying sites, and every commentator has been ready with talking points, which can be loosely summarized as “what the hell was he thinking? Petraeus was the head of the Central Intelligence Agency and some baffling way how thought he could send letters to his mistress and they would go undiscovered.

The affair – with married biographer Paula Broadwell —would have likely gone undetected a wee bit longer, if Broadwell hadn’t sent anonymous and threatening emails to Jill Kelley (also married), a woman she believed was romantically involved with Petraeus. (Kelley denies she any romantic involvement.) Kelley reported the harassing emails to the FBI, they traced them back to Broadwell and in the process discovered her affair with Petraeus. Womp, womp.

Broadwell’s actions make it clear that some side chicks are confused about their role in relationships (or, er, not. Ebony.com recently ran a story about a mistress of 15 years who was uncomfortably cool in her lane.) In the spirit of helping all the “other women” out there, I offer the following suggestions:

Do Expect Him to Cheat With Other Women


I know he’s told you his “situation” is “complicated”  and maybe he’s even said “I love you.” If he really did, you would have already been Number 1. It’s all lies (which for the men reading, ya’ll have to stop doing. Filling women’s heads with fantasies, even if she should know better, is how you get the windows busted out your car). Maybe you two really do have some sort of bond. Fine. It’s still completely unreasonable to expect someone who is demonstrating a penchant for infidelity by being with you, to be faithful—sort of because he’s still having sex with the woman he’s claiming—to you.

Do Use Condoms

Don’t be in denial. He’s not just having sex with you. At minimum, it’s you and the woman he’s still claiming. Your situation is bad enough. There’s no sense in bringing a kid into it (and that’s also no guarantee he’ll leave his woman or that she’ll leave him) or contracting and sexually transmitted infection.

Do Not Contact the Main Girl


You knew when you took up with him—or shortly thereafter– that there was already someone in the Number 1 spot. You may not have liked it, but by staying, you accepted your role. Her position doesn’t change because you caught feelings and now you want him to be yours alone. And too, she probably knows about you—you’re likely not the first or the last—and for whatever reason, she’s chosen to stick around.
Even if “wifey” were to leave, opening up that main slot, you’re unlikely to get promoted to the position. Plus, do you really want it? If he cheats with you, he’ll definitely cheat on you.

Do Not Contact the Other Woman/Women

You have no leverage as you’re not his wife/woman/girl. How do you even identify yourself on that call? “Hey, this is Jenna. I’m Malcolm’s… uh…” What do you ID yourself as? …click here to continue reading the 411.

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So now you know General Patreaus (and possibly General Allen) is a decorated stunner.
Kind of reminds me of Democrat John Edwards past troubles with Rielle Hunter.

She was the side kick that turned into the scandalous baby moma –
around the time his wife was dying & we elected President Obama.

Remember that?
Democrats wore the infidelity hat.

Before that it was Monica Lewinski and President Clintons show,
He utilized a cigar and she utilized ye ol’ blow.

But a stain on her blue dress made it a much bigger mess.
Now it’s a conservative generals test.

God bless. I truly dig General P. He’s a military rider.
But this scandal bears the magnitude of ol’ Samson and Delilah.

The wench brought him down in an attempt to scare off a rival wench.
This has resulted in a resignation and General P. taking the bench.

General Allen ain’t resigning. He stands that he has done nothing.

And that Jill Kelley is just a friend – there is no side kick (swinger) loving.

I believe him YO. We need him on duty. I hope it pans out,
that this scandal is not his. THIS – he knows nothing about.

I pray to God he’s right. Because Paula Broadwell has started a fire.
And I for one am upset that General P had to retire.

Most liberals have no quams about folks having affairs
But the conservatives put rules in place long ago – that still reside there.

Rules about being faithful when serving in a decorated coat.
Rules they now struggle to meet & has trapped a few of their goats.

Uh-oh!
It’s all on them YO!

Who knew a scandal this size would surface in the GOP and be so wench’ly thick?
I’m Qui
And I guess it’s high time to share with all: Basic Rules of Being a Side Chick.