Archive for October 27th, 2013|Daily archive page


In Communication, Griot, Networking, Self Improvement on October 27, 2013 at 4:57 pm
Divorced? Now what? Avoid these three pitfalls after moving on

Divorced? Now what? Avoid these three pitfalls after moving on

Daddy and mommy tried, but couldn’t work it out,” said mom, then she released a dozen of helium balloons into the sky (one for every year they were married), afterwards   she took us out for pizza, coke and a movie. We had a great time, though it felt a little strange, because Dad wasn’t there. However, it was his macho exterior that made us feel confident that he was in control and knew exactly what to do. Today I am an adult and I realize dad had not a clue, but did the best that he could, starting with catching up on his “dating life.”

Last week I found a copy of WEB MD at my chiropractors office that had the most interesting Mens Health article inside about divorced men and thought I’d share it with you. It’s tailored for men, but women, you can  ‘flip it’ to make it work for you if you too, if you are a recent divorcee.

Healthy LIvingAdapting to life after divorce is hard for guys under the best of circumstances. But you can make it easier on yourself, your ex, and your children if you avoid some of the most common mistakes.

Dating Too SoonNewly DIVORCED Dad TIPS
Too many men start dating before the dust has settled on their divorce, says psychologist Sam J. Buser, PhD, co-author of The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce and On With Life, Sex, and Relationships. They rush into new relationships — and often new marriages — within the first year. “That’s no doubt the biggest mistake,” says Dr. Buser.

Buser says men jump into dating because they’re lonely, vulnerable, and sad and they’re looking for someone to help them feel better. “The relationships they start do not often work out in the long run,” he says. “I advise my patients to wait at least two years. I’ve never had a man take me up on that advice, but I do try to slow them down.

Isolating Yourself

After divorce, it’s easy for a guy to let himself become isolated, especially if his ex gets custody of the kids. That’s another big mistake. It can worsen feelings of depression, guilt, and loneliness, a potentially dangerous mix. Divorced men are twice as likely to commit suicide as married men.

Buser’s advice: Connect with other guys. Call up old friends. Join a softball team, a club, or a professional network to avoid isolation.” He also says the aftermath of a divorce is a great time to go back to school: Returning to the classroom keeps you active, stimulates your mind, potentially advances your career, and gets you out of the house.

Making Introductions Too Soon

You’ve met someone new. You’re excited and happy. Good for you. Just don’t make the mistake of expecting your kids to be upbeat about the news.

“The last thing the kids want to see is parents getting involved with someone else,” says Gordon E. Finley, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in issues facing divorced men and emeritus professor of psychology at Florida International University in Miami. “they are going to be unhappy. Date when you feel ready, but leave the kids out of it.”

green divider

In my broken home situation, Mom actually remarried first.
While Dad went on to conquer his Casanova thirsts.

Dad ran through his date book until he was in his mid 50’s
He finally settled on one woman and his love life is nifty.

I’m not sure of the percentages of men that rebound too quick,
but Dad wasn’t one of them. His dating game was quite thick.

I, myself am married. I married my high school sweetheart,
and the last 23 years have been a real piece of pleasant art.

I never thought I was the marrying type, but then love ran its full course,
I’m Qui
An encouraging she – divvying tips for the recently divorced.

Put the kids first – divorce doesn’t have to be a definite relationship lame.
Just remember life is to be lived, to be loved and you can master this NEW GAME.