Early in the relationship they were so sweet on you.
Today they’re on your nerves so tough – when did they turn so prude?
The sugar is wearing off.
No, I’m not falling out-of love, breaking up, contemplating it or anything of the sorts, in fact, the “sugar” that I’m referring to is not the sugar of a mate, but that of a loved one. Yes, the sugar is wearing off on my parents.
Gosh I’ve only heard from every childhood friend that would voice, about ‘how cool my parents were and are.’ That was until my Dad hit 60 and before my mom divorced her 3rd husband, (which was about at age 60). Mom went on to marry one more time and when it didn’t work out, she pinky promised us, that would be her last annulment, and she’s held true. Dad is working on year 8 (or so) of his marriage to the woman we have called our step mom for about 2o-years.
My parents were married to each other for 12-years. They were middle school sweethearts and if you ask me, they knew each other far too well to have been married in the first place. Not only did they go to same schools, but they lived directly across the street from each other. Teen anxiety is bliss. My parents were the cool kind, dad was into football and parties, and mom was a great host. Lots of parties in my past. Parties I couldn’t attend and still they shaped the happy-go-lucky house partying girl that I am, or that I was. I’m 40 now, and a good party consists of me and a few close friends or family members in a dimly lit room, (preferably candled out), a big bottle of red rose, good conversation and music in the background. I’m a mellow party girl today. Evolution.
But what happened to my parents? They were so cool, smooth, friendly and understanding. They were both so sweet in nature. About 16 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had the surgery. He beat the odds. He’s been a survivor for 16-years, but the side effects of the surgery and the disease still plague him, and too often. To my dismay he’s grown a bit bitter over the years and having a happy conversation with him is like pulling teeth sometimes. He’s not battling with dementia or anything like that, just bitter that he’s sick a lot and he can’t get enough friends together to lend him a hand or take him to the store, never mind calling up enough friends to have a house party. And mom? Well, she’s always been a smiling marker in my life and in the lives of so many others. She’s just a sweet lady. She looks sweet. She waves from the drivers seat of her car to people in traffic that she doesn’t know. Mom is a former GM worker who medically retired because of a back injury sustained on the job. She’s had multiple surgeries over the years to correct it, and remains under doctors care regarding the issue. I love hanging out with mom, however, as of late, the sugar seems to be wearing off. Last week, mom went off on me on the phone, for asking her for motherly advice. She later called me back and told me that ‘it is not her job to make decisions, but rather to be the mom and the grandmother.’ I had no idea what odd-place that response was coming from, because my mom is always making decisions — even and especially when we don’t ask her too.
The sugar is wearing off.
My moms mother lived to be 78 and my dad’s mom just passed in 2011 at 80. My mom’s mother was a bit austere – my dad’s mom was just the opposite. Our maternal grandmother raised a home full of girls, (we have three aunts on my moms side – no brothers) and our paternal grandmother raised a house full boys, (my father has 2 other brothers. Grams birthed 2 girls, but both passed in their youth).
I suppose raising girls could wear out your cool points and cause you to be a little austere when you’re older. Right? Perhaps, but I sure hope not. I have two daughters of my own and I have no plans on loosing my sweetness. I’m focusing more on my mom’s recent bitterness, and her mothers austere persona, because I am a female descendant. I am a little concerned tonight – wondering if bitterness or eroding sweetness, is possibly in the DNA?
I hardly think so. I am pretty solid when I say that I think, bitterness is a choice. PAIN is another topic all together. Both of my parents bodies are prone to pain outbursts, and I sure hate that for them. I miss their coolness, and what really throws people off, is neither of my parents are gray headed, bifocal or cane dependent; their appearance looks youthful and healthy. Nevertheless, the truth of the matter is, my parents are at an age, (or fast approaching), where they seem to yield to a default of discord and sometimes, there’s no reversing the misunderstanding.
I know that I am not alone in my parental findings, before I wrote this piece, I researched the web and found a column touting 9 Ways To Avoid Becoming Bitter and Jaded and a relative psychology forum where others have taken to expressing their experiences in the round. I didn’t join the forum, though I must admit venting via a blog is a great place to start. Whatever you do: Don’t let the pain of sugarless affections cause you to be bitter tomorrow. You don’t deserve it and neither does your legacy. Self preservation is the action of reapplying the sugar. Does anyone have a 5’2 mason jar?
The sugar is wearing off, but I don’t want it to.
I’ve never been fond of closures or bidding too many adu!
I dearly love my parents, for I am a parent too.
and I don’t want to put my kids through what I’m going through.
I liken myself to my mom, because I’m the sweeter of her kids.
But this business about being bitter – is one issue that needs a lid.
I prefer my beloved communications to render a hint of candy sweet
and not fall into the category of a beef-tough candy treat.
Does the sugar ‘have to’ wear off? Please no! Dub me Aunt Sweetie!
blogging my heart out, looking to relate. Hell, I’m feeling needy!
Be mindful of your actions. Don’t grow bitter just for nought.
Be mindful in your wiser age – Don’t let The sugar wear off.
Reapply the sugar – by being good to YOURSELF and others now.
Don’t worry about how others will respond – just do it anyhow.