Well actually Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing titled the post and I concur. The following funnies are the BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER. — today. 😀 I’m a fan of laughter and new lines are born everyday which makes these perfect for you to HUMP TODAY before tomorrows list arrives:
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum Tish!
- There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted…
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
- What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
- What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
- How does Jesus make tea??? Hebrews it.
- A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!”
- I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
- What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
- What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head)
- Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
- What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
- Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
- Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” 😀
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
On the bus…
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
The Laugh Factory Comedy Network is my goto when I want to laugh in short.
The last 3 jokes that you’ve enjoyed were borrowed from their stash of sorts.
Take a hit and get goofy lit — no joke is too long.
I laughed at ’em all, though THE MOM JOKES were strong! 🙂
Why did they call that ladies baby a monkey and how did this all start – evolution or creation?
Laughing well on this Wednesday morning, no deep thoughts just yawning while making a simple relation:
LAUGHTER is GOOD for the SOUL.