A Mother-For-Ya

In Communication, Self Improvement on May 10, 2021 at 9:31 am

I have a childhood friend whom I love dearly and who loves me back and the last time that we spoke (and many times prior), he commented “you are a real mother-for-ya, Qui.” He has said it enough times in the wake of discussing social matters like justices, injustices, relationships, and self-worth. My friend remarks such a statement most often when I don’t support him when he’s not supporting himself. He is usually full steam ahead on concocting ideas that I can tell from the onset of thought is not going to deliver him to a better position. The good news is, he catches on quickly and considers my POV instead of rebuffing it and driving off of a cliff. 

“I hope that you take no offense when I call you a Mother-For-Ya, but you care about most people more than their own mothers.” I have always taken his comments to heart…. because he’s right,  

I care, I care, I care for humanity.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and I am mother. Funny thing, I never desired to be married, nor a mother. I just didn’t see it in my future when I assessed my adolescent cards. I had my first child at 18 and while I only have two biological children, I care for humanity like I birthed most of you. It’s not hard to do, I just seriously CARE FOR OTHERS in the same manner that I care for myself. So, if you tell me a personal story and I can foresee an unpleasant end to the story (remember, I am a storyteller), I will offer several other routes that could curb the troubles in a particular journey. What good is my skill capacity if I don’t share it with those that I love? 

Thing is, I love everyone. I wake up on love and fall asleep in it. I am in love with humanity and for the most part, humanity is loving me back.


Racism is an ugly defect of humanity. I don’t frack with her. I call racism a “her” because it is breed-able. I insist on abstinence. I do not and will not indulge nor entertain it. 

So twice last week I ran into two white men on two different days; Monday and Tuesday and the run-ins could have gone any kind of way. Who ever knows where the ugliness of racism will randomly show? I just wake up and pray up then out of the house I go.

MONDAY – I had an annual Well Woman exam, at the end of the examination my doctor excused the assisting nurse from the room and opened up a safe space of dialogue for me to voice my concerns about life.

I was confused. My gynecologist doesn’t normally open the floor for abstract dialogue. It took me a minute to calibrate and get on the same page that he was on. My gynecologist said, (in short), “If you ever need anything, if you feel anxious, in trouble or bothered, you can call on us. We can do more than you think to help.” 

Staring me in the face, my doctor asked again, “Do you have anything that you’d like to talk about?” My mouth opened without me okaying it, and said, “Well, the news isn’t helping!” My physicians face confirmed that I found the page that he was on, he is concerned about my BL (Black Life). Internally I was shocked at my verbal outburst. Who knew, I had something to say to him on this subject. The doc responded, “Yes. I know and I’m so sorry.” 

I felt vulnerable in that moment. I couldn’t believe that the doc yanked a moment of reality out of my jovial, secure overlay. I care so much for humanity as a whole, yet I rarely consider myself needing care on the same level. So, when the doc asked about my physical and mental well-being in today’s societal dysfunction, I stood there like a deer in headlights for a few seconds before my confession about news topics spilled out.

The doc was very supportive, almost like a father figure; my doctor is an elderly white affluent male and we’ve always had a childlike relationship. Both of us love science! My annual check-ups are usually an intellectual gas!

Monday was different and it resonated with me so strongly that once I was in the car, I made a 6-minute video that I shared with my family, extended family, and close friends of myself testifying to feeling loved, when I wasn’t looking for it. My doc is awesome. It took me some time to convince myself that he is a special guy of medical capacity and that’s how he was able to communicate care for me in such a subtle way and it have the most impact on me. Right?

But that was not true.
He is not alone in his actions…

TUESDAY – rolled around and I decided to detail my car, so I pull into O’Reilly’s Auto Parts to get an interior cleaning solution, a car fragrance clip, maybe some towels, etc. You know, things to help me achieve spotless interior. When I pulled into the parking space a white car pulled up next to me. My guy (hubby) and I exited my car at the same time as the attractive White male in the white car beside us. 

Jovial in spirit, we enter the store and stop at the first row, where the cleaning supplies are shelved and the White guy from the white car stops on the same row and stands next to us. He barely turns his head our way to make eye contact and say:

WHITE MAN: Whatever you need, I got you.

I didn’t respond at first, and then he said it again.

ME: Pardon me?

He repeated and added to it,

WHITE MAN: Meet me outside by the white car.

I glanced over my shoulder looked at the car and then back to the gentleman and asked,

ME: What is your name sir?…

Click here to read what happened next.

Hello, beloved, I have missed you, too.
What good thing did you get in to?

Did you eat your vegetables and drink less of the brew?
Are you operating within the standard that mother told you, to?

I hope that you are and that you are focused on this life.
I pray that you, too, connect with the hearts and minds of unite.

It’s a comforting feeling in the face of today’s plight.
Love and push love, be a mother. It’s alright.

While the world is race hating, the Doc and Jeff are proof of otherwise,
I’m Qui
A Mother For Ya,’ happy to show ya’ that love still resides.

Give It if you’ve got it and Receive It in stride.

Try it.




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