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BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER.

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, News, Self Improvement, Video on June 22, 2016 at 5:20 am

sharky-wives-tail-humor

Well actually Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing titled the post and I concur. The following funnies are the BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER. today. 😀  I’m a fan of laughter and new lines are born everyday which makes these perfect for you to HUMP TODAY before tomorrows list arrives:

  1. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
  3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  4. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum Tish!
  5. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted…
  6. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
  7. What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
  8. food-wrap-battleWhat kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
  9. How does Jesus make tea??? Hebrews it.
  10. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!”
  11. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
  12. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
  13. What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
  14. Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head)
  15. Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
  16. What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
  17. Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
  18. Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

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ABOUT YOUR MOTHERevolution

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” 😀

the-ropers-tv-programs-photo-u1Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

On the bus…
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

The Laugh Factory Comedy Network is my goto when I want to laugh in short.
The last 3 jokes that you’ve enjoyed were borrowed from their stash of sorts.

happy divider

Take a hit and get goofy lit — no joke is too long.
I laughed at ’em all, though THE MOM JOKES were strong! 🙂

Why did they call that ladies baby a monkey and how did this all start – evolution or creation?
I’m Qui
Laughing well on this Wednesday morning, no deep thoughts just yawning while making a simple relation:

LAUGHTER is GOOD for the SOUL.

DO IT
Today.

Thank You

In Communication, education, Griot, News, Self Improvement, Video on May 13, 2020 at 5:15 am
take-a-bow_baby.gif

For doing all that you do — please take a bow.

To all doctors, health care workers and nurses,
good samaritans who have donated from their purses,

to the bus drivers, truckers and train operators
to the grocery workers, maintenance techs and innovators,

THANK YOU.

For stepping up to help us all through.
In pressing times character is true

We see food handlers, too – yielding service and showing little fright,
so we stand outside (around the world) to solute you every night.

I’ve no balcony to herald from – still I insist on being included, yo,
so at 7pm I sing a THANK YOU hymn from my 2nd story window.

THANK YOU

so very, very much.
Life would have little compassion without your touch, ‘

Today is hump day and I’m off to film a scene,
rest assure at 7pm I’ll be back in my window to sing:

“THANK YOU! | Thank you. | Thanks. | You Rock!
Do your thang. Please don’t stop.
I pray that you remain well – that  cv can’t cop!”

Keep your head up, tell & listen to jokes; laugh hard at corn-ball zingers,
I’m Qui
Helping folks cover their mouths. Inspired by you, I bought a SINGER.

We’re all doing the best that we can
to help ourselves and our fellow man.

So, then this is For YOU, too:
THANK YOU.

PRESS PLAY and Give your self a hand-clap right away.

REPEAT.

FUNDY

In Comedy, Communication, education, Griot, Networking, News, Self Improvement on May 11, 2020 at 9:02 am

You know what I think fun is? Maybe you don’t.
Though if you don’t ask me, then you won’t,

so I’d like to share with you my thoughts
on fun under the sun that can’t be bought

and has proven over time to de-bump the bumpy.
This act, dear kinfolk, is what I call a FUNDY.

It can happen on a Monday but most often towards the weekend.
Because we all know “monotony” can’t survive when you’re among friends

and so, the weekend slots have a history of being a fun day.
But that’s no reason to not try “the feeling” on a Monday.

Monday’s fun doesn’t spell out like the weekends choice.
Monday’s fun uses an insiders voice….

inner-black-woman_icon_super-hero

Photo by PINTEREST

of wisdom.
Are you familiar with the works of Shirley Chisholm?

If you are familiar then you may be thinking, “right on,” or “here we go,”
because Mrs. Chisholm was about FUNDY in public service, yo.

The road she travelled was much like our own
fun likely started tapering off as she got grown,

because we all know that “grown people don’t play,”
Mrs. Chisholm found gamification in leading the way.

Make “being well informed and staying on your toesinto a game.
One that you take pride in carrying out with no shame.

Social lockdown can cause your social calendar to look funky,
so replace that funk-block with some in-house FUNDY.

Take the day by the rays and forge the universe with your desire.
It would help if you had on board a little Shirley Chisholm fire.

Never mind that she was a Sagittarius; a Fire Sign up in neigh –
she mastered socio-economics in The House per the New York way.

The good news is we don’t all have to be fire signs to rile up a difference.
Use your air, earth and water chemistry to course correct our systemics.

All that is required for us to win this,
is you committing your best in it.
All truth, please; no gimmick.
Make every Monday a FUNDY – then go with it!

Insist the universe yield towards our way or else
the people may stop stacking capitalist wealth.

I mean, let’s be real… after all economics is just a game —
and the fact that it is spread out over 2% of our nation is a shame.

The Stock Market?
My response is: Kick rocks, kid. 😛

It ain’t really working;
businesses are bleeding and hurting

of all sizes, campuses and halls.
They cannot course correct without us, y’all.

They need us to need them; so they yield no support. Rt Pt Arrow “Get back to work!”
Trust, if you say “I quit,” Lft Pt Arrowyou won’t be alone and corporations will hurt.

Your employer will feel it, too.
They aren’t working ON SITE; they want you to.

You do still have to pay the rent, so what will you do?
Child, tell God about it then focus your sights on YOU.

Focus on your abs and laugh more. What type of jokes do you find funny?
Really? That’s cool. Me, too. Use jokes to make everyday a FUNDY.


.
Don’t even get me started on cardio; you know that I need to workout,
the good news is you can do it in or out of bed! Fundy is what it’s all about.

Perception makes the course correction. Gamification provides the way,
I’m Qui
still loving on thee, like a maternal she – as we play out this Monday.

Nope. Today will not be funky
because YOU insist on making it a FUNDY.

Do it.

Thank You

In Communication, Griot, News, Self Improvement, Video on April 15, 2020 at 5:30 am
take-a-bow_baby.gif

For doing your thing — please take a bow.

To all doctors, health care workers and nurses,
good samaritans who have donated from their purses,

to the bus drivers, truckers and train operators
to the grocery workers, maintenance techs and innovators,

THANK YOU.

For stepping up to help us all through.
In pressing times character is true

We see food handlers, too – yielding service and showing little fright,
so we stand outside (around the world) to solute you every night.

I’ve no balcony to herald from – still I insist on being included, yo,
so at 7pm I sing a THANK YOU hymn from my 2nd story window.

THANK YOU

so very, very much.
Life would have little compassion without your touch, ‘

Today is hump day and I’m off to film a scene,
rest assure at 7pm I’ll be back in my window to sing:

“THANK YOU! | Thank you. | Thanks. | You Rock!
Do your thang. Please don’t stop.
I pray that you’re covered by the bloodcv can’t cop!”

Keep your head up, tell & listen to jokes; laugh at corn-ball zingers,
I’m Qui
Helping folks cover their mouths. Yep! I bought a SINGER.

We’re all doing the best that we can
to help ourselves and our fellow man.

So, then this is For YOU, too:
THANK YOU.

PRESS PLAY and Give your self a hand-clap today.

A Light Affair

In Comedy, Griot, News, Self Improvement on March 9, 2020 at 4:30 am

traffic-green-light.jpg

The weekend was great: Friday felt V.I.P. special,
Saturday was kind and Sunday smacked the devil.

What more could you want? Please do say.
I’ve got a few funnies to share on this Monday.

Care you to comprehend? Lean in close.
I don’t want to print too loudly and pull anyone’s goat.
You know?

Below are a few
hardy-hars & yoo-hoo’s
that I’d like you to give a looksy to.
A little abdominal agitation is good for you.

What do you mean “Who’s going around laughing-it-up these days?”
As long as God gifts me with life I’m making jokes out of melee.
Let’s laugh at self a little. Eh?

February came and went quickly; love quickened the day but did it glow?
Many were proposed to and many said no, too; thus our first joke:
I-love-you-joke

Speaking of “proposal’s,” I had to compose one last night
for a multimedia client whose in the market for a website.

I was bar none when composing the user experience and shopping for interface.
I spent hours & hours with no sour; time flies when your work is your play.

Joke_Old-Age

Gamification is the way.
Remember when we found fun in everything, yesterday?

If you’re reading this piece, you have got to look back and laugh —
at how God has delivered you; you used to be bad.

I’m kidding. No you weren’t. Really. You were not.
Mucous is an endearing fluid – that’s why mom calls you “a snot.”
Because “bad,” — you were not.

I have enjoyed every birthday that has delivered me to:
being grown and doing what I want to do.

So,

Joke_Dirty-offer.jpgAfter all, I am of age and it’s Monday, too.
The kids are not looking;  it’s just me and you.

Lean in close I’ve been reading folks texts —
and this dude just admitted to crying after sex?Joke-Male-Sex-Tendencies.png

I didn’t make it up. I just shared.
I asked for your permission first, because I care.

I care so much that I would at least stick around until the sun rips the scene. And because I’m from the South, I’ll rise and cook everything.

Nothing wrong with it. I just like to admit it.

Speaking of sunrises, I’m trying to get out of this house before the suns rise but not before kicking it with you over smiles on life and tell you that “you stay on my mind and are always a muse for me when I’m on my grind.”

Having said as much I have to run. Do take care.
I’m Qui
Let’s make this day A Light Affair.

smile-silence_relation.jpg

My Senses Told Me

In Comedy, Griot, News, Self Improvement on January 29, 2020 at 5:45 pm

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

traffic-road-highway-signs.jpg

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

How are your senses: Touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste?
Notice each body-part is on, around or has access to your face. 😛

‘Makes sense that everything’s within intimate reach if you want to sense it.
You can probably have a bite of it — right after you rinse it.

Assuming it’s fresh fruit.
The smell and taste is comparable to youth.

Fruit is only good in it’s youth,
though it shines best being digested by you.

Why eat fruit?
The ingredients are true.

There are all sorts of things that you can sense, smell, and taste,
but you may not want them in your face:
butt-cheek-joke.jpg

You get my drift…then again, a drift is what you want to miss indeed.
Use the nose for flowers, Mom’s cooking or Snoop’s weed.

Use your sense of touch (handsy-fill-up) on some fresh fruit and/or your mate.
Don’t have either on hand? Go grocery shopping and pick-up a date.

Single people love to hangout at the grocery store – it’s true.
Roll thru with a basket on aisle 8 and see what it do.

Your intuition is a sense, though it’s not near your face.
Your intuition will keep you on-point and generally safe.

Ladies: roll down the aisle exhibiting grace.
Men: be on the lookout; use the senses on your face.

When you see or smell an attraction coming
get near the subject and start to humming.

Okay, wait! That may not be the best way to score —
unless you’re into security and a show to the door.

butt-cheek-joke2.jpeg

Then again, I am not your intuition; I am not that sense.
I am your melanin sister with blonde hair who can be a little dense

when it comes to telling you how to pick up dates.
Your five senses will pull you through…be sure to pray.

I don’t want you out there being insensitive on any day.
If you piss someone off, have a joke on hand to say:

Okay, have one or two.
If the first doesn’t work – this one will do:

Word-Savvy

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I  s p r e a d  them?

Are you smiling now? Good. So I’ll make this quick:
Get in touch with your senses; smell, touch, and lick

every thing that you see, including that desired person near.
Get them alone in a room and make sure that the coast is clear.

With ears on alert the footsteps of others – you’ll be keen to hear –
then express your senses more, i.e., a consensual sear.
What do you say dear?

The evening is nigh and My Senses told me that you needed a change in vibe,
I’m Qui
Infecting your senses via the write. Thank you for being sensitive and stopping by.

What the L

In Communication, Griot, Networking, Self Improvement on December 16, 2019 at 4:48 am

what-the-L-qe

Good morning good people, take a hit and pass
I’m not on a mission about dissin’ – I’m all about the laugh.

Reality is running rampart, may comedy dispel,
and this little segment is something I like to call:

What The L!!

No this little ‘spit out’ has nothing to do with Samuel L,
but the fact that his pic came up on the research – was funny as hell.

Please don’t forget to laugh for a spell whilst you’re on your grind.
If there’s nothing around to invoke ‘the clown,’ laugh at your own behind.

I laugh at me all of the time.
I’m quite the clutz when I’m not in rhyme.

Not immune to falling down in public, though I’m quick to get up.
My fitness game is hardly lame, I fall and get up to keep my abs cut!

Now who’s laughing at whom?
Like I said, if I laugh at me – you know I’m-a laugh at you.

So go ‘head and do what you do. Look in the mirror and laugh
Life is only what you make it – less offense – more goofy gas.

.
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Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”  [ref. source: laughfactory.com]

Scene: A conversation with my friend’s father, who knows I do 
Web design.

Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook?
Me: Oh, very easy.
Friend: He doesn’t mean to make 
a Facebook profile. He means to 
remake all of Facebook.
Me: Oh. Very hard.
Father: Oh, OK.
[ref. source: readersdigest.com – credit to: clientsfromhell.net]

tissue-toilet-paper-joke Q. What does Santa like to do in the garden?
A. Hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A: Holly Davidson.

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.

Q: Why don’t aliens celebrate Chistmas?
A: Because they don’t want to give away their presence.
[ref. source: funology.com]

Grown Party Humor::

Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?flower-pollenating-sex-joke
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
[ref. source: thoughtcatalog.com]

happy divider

It’s a new week, beloved.  Yes, here we go again.
Festivus is coming; it’s time to mingle with more fam & friends.

Good memories are made when you’re hanging with loving folks –
plus I have just armed you with a good array of jokes.

What the L! All is swell – use them and don’t be shy!
But only if you want to be the absolute parties delight!

Alright, some of these jokes are a little risque and some a tad bit strong,
I’m Qui
and they’re all good to me. When dealing jokes – you really can’t go wrong.

What The L!

LAUGH BREAK

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, News, Self Improvement on November 19, 2019 at 9:31 am

Michael Jordan LAUGHTER.gif

We do a lot of things naturally, like expend and take-in copious amounts of energy.
If I didn’t break up the concentration of no-flux, what kind of friend would I be?

Reading is fundamental and is an activity that I enjoy best.
Good jokes appeal to me; I find them in the READERS DIGEST.

The world needs more smiles and less “do I still look happy” fakes.
If you reflect the latter of the two – please genuinely enjoy this LAUGH BREAK:

Karma

Scrabble

Fonts-at-the-bar

Controlling-Joke

Scared-Mathmetician

ADD it UP.
Laughter is good for the heart; Laugher is good for the gut.

Partake in a laugh or two, we really need three or four,
I’m Qui
Good morning to thee, show “smile-less” to the door.

There’s no reason to harbor it anymore – for goodness sake.
So never mind what thoughts plague your mind, let’s all take a LAUGH BREAK.

Will-Ferrel_Laughs-as-Ron-Burgandy.gif

Today is a good day to

APRIL TOOL

In Communication, Griot, News on April 1, 2019 at 4:36 am

high-five

Let’s make today fun – but let’s not run through it too quick.
Let’s also keep in mind that the ME TOO Hashtag is not a schtick.

Vice President Biden is currently listening and taking all to heart
on whether his style of charisma is or isn’t an offensive flint-start.

I think you know the answer; Biden’s humanity is noted history,
When the VP yields support, folk don’t generally think it a mystery.

It’s not like he’s ever grabbed a woman by the pussy or tit.
It’s not like he’s insisted on tongue hockey at a meet & greet kiss.

little-man-in-orange-marlon-.gifThat’s another dude…
tiny hands, orangey-rude.

Offenses are plenty; intentions are salty and sweet.
Don’t be blind to intentions; take another look at the former VP.

The beauty of today is too stunning to stay in bed and sleep.
I’m up on my toes with little-to-no-woes, awaiting dawns meet.

Good morning new sweet. How are you today?
It’s April 1st — let’s go out and play.

Sike! I’ll be out this morn, tho for the write
and then network with like-minds well-into the night.

What have you got up for this awesome day?
A productive ethic includes work and play.

Let this day work for us. Let us not be the fool.
Let us recognize that life is a blessing and that today is an April Tool.

Use it to start anew; use it to start fresh.
Use it herald purpose. It’s easy because you’re blessed.

Did you wake this morning? Did you rise from bed?
Did you have human interactions? Did someone kiss the top of your head?

Nah. I won’t go back over what you’ve read, I just want the stupidity to end.
I’m on my rant early, feeling hormonal & girly, because I am pregnant again.

School has brought this irresponsibility on —
and if you believe that, your coffee is way too strong. 😛

April 1st is a Tool for jokes and laughter today.
Please find yourself open to it – be jovial and play.

Rise, Rise! Sit up and yawn. Do smile as you wake,
I’m Qui
and April is a pliable month of promise for your take.

Use it.

april_drill_tool.gif

As a Tool.

Throwback LAUGH TRACK

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, Networking on June 6, 2018 at 5:20 am

I originally posted this piece in June of 2016.
It’s funny how life comes back at you in calendar full swing.
I feel like laughing this morning and this throwback will do the trick.
It’s only right to share it with you because these one-liners are a hit. crazy-smileyface

sharky-wives-tail-humor

Well actually Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing titled the post and I concur. The following funnies are the BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER. today. 😀  I’m a fan of laughter and new lines are born every day which makes these perfect for you to HUMP TODAY before tomorrows list arrives:

  1. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
  3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  4. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum Tish!
  5. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted…
  6. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
  7. What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
  8. food-wrap-battleWhat kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
  9. How does Jesus make tea??? Hebrews it.
  10. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungi!”
  11. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
  12. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
  13. What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
  14. Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head)
  15. Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
  16. What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
  17. Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
  18. Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

divider1

ABOUT YOUR MOTHERevolution

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” 😀

the-ropers-tv-programs-photo-u1Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

On the bus…
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

The Laugh Factory Comedy Network is my goto when I want to laugh in short.
The last 3 jokes that you’ve enjoyed were borrowed from their stash of sorts.

happy divider

Take a hit and get goofy lit — no joke is too long.
I laughed at ’em all, though THE MOM JOKES were strong! 🙂

Why did they call that ladies baby a monkey and how did this all start – evolution or creation?
I’m Qui
Laughing well on this Wednesday morning, no deep thoughts just yawning while making a simple relation:

LAUGHTER is GOOD for the SOUL.

DO IT
Today.