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BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER.

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, News, Self Improvement, Video on June 22, 2016 at 5:20 am

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Well actually Dan Pearce of Single Dad Laughing titled the post and I concur. The following funnies are the BEST. SHORT JOKES. EVER. today. 😀  I’m a fan of laughter and new lines are born everyday which makes these perfect for you to HUMP TODAY before tomorrows list arrives:

  1. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun… A roamin’ Catholic.
  3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  4. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum Tish!
  5. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted…
  6. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
  7. What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
  8. food-wrap-battleWhat kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
  9. How does Jesus make tea??? Hebrews it.
  10. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!”
  11. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
  12. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
  13. What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
  14. Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head)
  15. Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
  16. What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
  17. Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they just arrrrrrrrr!
  18. Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

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ABOUT YOUR MOTHERevolution

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” 😀

the-ropers-tv-programs-photo-u1Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

On the bus…
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

The Laugh Factory Comedy Network is my goto when I want to laugh in short.
The last 3 jokes that you’ve enjoyed were borrowed from their stash of sorts.

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Take a hit and get goofy lit — no joke is too long.
I laughed at ’em all, though THE MOM JOKES were strong! 🙂

Why did they call that ladies baby a monkey and how did this all start – evolution or creation?
I’m Qui
Laughing well on this Wednesday morning, no deep thoughts just yawning while making a simple relation:

LAUGHTER is GOOD for the SOUL.

DO IT
Today.

Thank You

In Communication, education, Griot, News, Self Improvement, Video on May 13, 2020 at 5:15 am
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For doing all that you do — please take a bow.

To all doctors, health care workers and nurses,
good samaritans who have donated from their purses,

to the bus drivers, truckers and train operators
to the grocery workers, maintenance techs and innovators,

THANK YOU.

For stepping up to help us all through.
In pressing times character is true

We see food handlers, too – yielding service and showing little fright,
so we stand outside (around the world) to solute you every night.

I’ve no balcony to herald from – still I insist on being included, yo,
so at 7pm I sing a THANK YOU hymn from my 2nd story window.

THANK YOU

so very, very much.
Life would have little compassion without your touch, ‘

Today is hump day and I’m off to film a scene,
rest assure at 7pm I’ll be back in my window to sing:

“THANK YOU! | Thank you. | Thanks. | You Rock!
Do your thang. Please don’t stop.
I pray that you remain well – that  cv can’t cop!”

Keep your head up, tell & listen to jokes; laugh hard at corn-ball zingers,
I’m Qui
Helping folks cover their mouths. Inspired by you, I bought a SINGER.

We’re all doing the best that we can
to help ourselves and our fellow man.

So, then this is For YOU, too:
THANK YOU.

PRESS PLAY and Give your self a hand-clap right away.

REPEAT.

FUNDY

In Comedy, Communication, education, Griot, Networking, News, Self Improvement on May 11, 2020 at 9:02 am

You know what I think fun is? Maybe you don’t.
Though if you don’t ask me, then you won’t,

so I’d like to share with you my thoughts
on fun under the sun that can’t be bought

and has proven over time to de-bump the bumpy.
This act, dear kinfolk, is what I call a FUNDY.

It can happen on a Monday but most often towards the weekend.
Because we all know “monotony” can’t survive when you’re among friends

and so, the weekend slots have a history of being a fun day.
But that’s no reason to not try “the feeling” on a Monday.

Monday’s fun doesn’t spell out like the weekends choice.
Monday’s fun uses an insiders voice….

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Photo by PINTEREST

of wisdom.
Are you familiar with the works of Shirley Chisholm?

If you are familiar then you may be thinking, “right on,” or “here we go,”
because Mrs. Chisholm was about FUNDY in public service, yo.

The road she travelled was much like our own
fun likely started tapering off as she got grown,

because we all know that “grown people don’t play,”
Mrs. Chisholm found gamification in leading the way.

Make “being well informed and staying on your toesinto a game.
One that you take pride in carrying out with no shame.

Social lockdown can cause your social calendar to look funky,
so replace that funk-block with some in-house FUNDY.

Take the day by the rays and forge the universe with your desire.
It would help if you had on board a little Shirley Chisholm fire.

Never mind that she was a Sagittarius; a Fire Sign up in neigh –
she mastered socio-economics in The House per the New York way.

The good news is we don’t all have to be fire signs to rile up a difference.
Use your air, earth and water chemistry to course correct our systemics.

All that is required for us to win this,
is you committing your best in it.
All truth, please; no gimmick.
Make every Monday a FUNDY – then go with it!

Insist the universe yield towards our way or else
the people may stop stacking capitalist wealth.

I mean, let’s be real… after all economics is just a game —
and the fact that it is spread out over 2% of our nation is a shame.

The Stock Market?
My response is: Kick rocks, kid. 😛

It ain’t really working;
businesses are bleeding and hurting

of all sizes, campuses and halls.
They cannot course correct without us, y’all.

They need us to need them; so they yield no support. Rt Pt Arrow “Get back to work!”
Trust, if you say “I quit,” Lft Pt Arrowyou won’t be alone and corporations will hurt.

Your employer will feel it, too.
They aren’t working ON SITE; they want you to.

You do still have to pay the rent, so what will you do?
Child, tell God about it then focus your sights on YOU.

Focus on your abs and laugh more. What type of jokes do you find funny?
Really? That’s cool. Me, too. Use jokes to make everyday a FUNDY.


.
Don’t even get me started on cardio; you know that I need to workout,
the good news is you can do it in or out of bed! Fundy is what it’s all about.

Perception makes the course correction. Gamification provides the way,
I’m Qui
still loving on thee, like a maternal she – as we play out this Monday.

Nope. Today will not be funky
because YOU insist on making it a FUNDY.

Do it.