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Posts Tagged ‘Joke time and a little rhyme’

What the L

In Comedy, Communication, Griot, Networking on May 29, 2015 at 1:31 am

talk-about-affairs

Good afternoon good people, take a hit and pass
I’m not on a mission about dissin’ – I’m all about the laugh.

Reality is running rampart, may comedy dispel,
and this little segment is something I like to call:

what-the-l

happy divider

LAWYER ON HIS DEATHBED

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.

Jack, I’ve got to confess — I’ve been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I’m the father of your daughter, and I’ve been stealing from the firm for a decade.”

“Relax,” says Jack, “and don’t think another thing about it. I’m the one who put arsenic in your martini.”

CHRISTMAS BONUS

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.

DELIVERY COINCIDENCES

Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, “Congratulations, you’re the father of twins.”
“What a coincidence,” the man says. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”
A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the father of triplets.”
“That’s really an incredible coincidence,” he answers. “I work for the 3M Corporation.”
An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.
The man says, “I don’t believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence.”
After hearing this, everyone’s attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, “I should have never taken that job at Century 21.”

what-the-LYou know how I feel about a good mind and most engineers have them…

THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, “If you kiss me and turn me back, I’ll do whatever you say!”

Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?”

The engineer says, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”

police-pointing-thumbailDISARMING THE GUARD

Lem: “I got fired from my job as a bank guard.”
Clem: “That’s awful. What happened?”
Lem: “Well, a thief came in, and I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.”
Clem: “What did the thief do then?”
Lem: “He took one more step, so I let him have it. I didn’t want that stupid gun anyway.”

Smile broadly – like you’re slick and peak a little peer curiosity,
I’m Qui
Laughing with you via la comical veracity.

What the L?
Everybody needs to stop and laugh for a spell.

dog-funny-animated

[Jokes compliments of jokes.cc.com]

What the L

In Comedy, Communication, Networking, Politics, Self Improvement on May 7, 2015 at 1:05 pm

Great Dictator-cartoon
Good afternoon good people, take a hit and pass
I’m not on a mission about dissin’ – I’m all about the laugh.

Reality is running rampart, may comedy dispel,
and this little segment is something I like to call:

What The L!!

Don’t just be incredible, be a #Boss.

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?”

The assistant says, ”$2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant explains, ”This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.”

”What about the green one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.”

”What about the red one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”That one’s $10,000.”

The man says, ”What does HE do?”

The assistant says, ”I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”

#Hillary ain’t no chicken but…

What do you get when you order a ‘Hillary Clinton’ at KFC?
Answer: Two breasts and a left wing.

Keep it #Professional.

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.

what-the-L

#QuickThinking is mandatory when a situation is sinking – especially when your odds are stinking…

To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, “And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

Thinking of getting a new #Car, keep in mind,
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

Resist the devil and he will flee, or just #Erase your first thought…
A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.
Time passes and the priest says, “Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in ‘u-n-t’?”
The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, “I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘aunt.'”
The priest replies, “Oh, you’re right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?”
Ooops! I saw you smirking. Go on and laugh a little bit.
Don’t let the mundane win or amount to about nit!

Smile broadly – like you’re slick and peak a little peer curiosity,
I’m Qui
Laughing with you via la comical veracity.

What the L?
Everybody needs to stop and laugh for a spell.
mickey_laughing-j95

[Jokes compliments of jokes.cc.com]