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Posts Tagged ‘jokes’

An End and a Begin

In Comedy, Communication, Music, Networking, News, Self Improvement, Video on May 19, 2017 at 4:03 am

weekend-party.jpgYesterday came and yesterday went
and all the while my time was spent

running the streets going to and fro
to finalize the affairs of a man named Joe.

Joe is MY DAD, some folks called him Redd,
it’s because he had freckles and flaming hair on his head.

Had he lived to see June 27th, he would have been 70.
Today we’ll memorialize a man that meant the world to me…

Much happier will be I after this huge moment of closure indeed.
After the veteran send off, we’ll congregate among ourselves and delve in the feed.

Comfort food.

We’ll laugh and talk, give dap and hugs.
We’ll likely run through many familial stories of love.

And then it’s on to healing and living well. I’m just a few years past 40.
Life is at hand, enjoy the lay of the land; and always remember to party.

Feeling stuccato? Drop some E40:

After the party, ol’ Saturday morning will roll in sweet
and I’ll brave a smile before the floor shall meet my feet

Because I’m alive, I have the activity of my limbs and all is well.
God bless the family of the late Roger Ailes.

The FOX NEWS giant was doing fine just in the Summer of last year
when a forced resignation is all that the Murdock sons would hear.

Not to rehash old news but he was let go,
post allegations of sexual harassment when female employees said ‘NO.’

My, oh, satellite news has been popping beyond Pennsylvania Av
— none of which is okay, or poised to make us laugh.

So on a lighter note
for you, I have a joke:

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look malex-baldwin-pillow-cover-laugh.gifate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years”.

Anytime is a good time to start something new & productive in life,
I’m Qui
The day is yours, take the opportunity to soar and smile while you’re covering the miles.

Hindsight will prove it all worthwhile.

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Laugh Lines

In Comedy, Communication, Networking, News, Qui Audio Byte on March 31, 2017 at 2:52 pm

Life can be serious and often, not so kind,
so when I can, I gracefully yield to making new Laugh Lines:

Two elderly women were out for a Sunday drive in a large car and both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light”. After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through, and she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!” Mildred turned to her and said “Oh, am I driving?”

mickey_laughing-j95

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Flying like Harrison Ford
harrison-fordAn airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a “Thanks for riding Royal Airlines.” But, in light of his bad landing, the pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no, Ma’am,” replied the pilot,” “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?” 🙂
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Never mind satellite news today – tomorrow it will ramp up more.
For now, dowse out “suspicion” with this next J/K score:

no-firesA lady was complaining to her husband about remodeling her kitchen. “You have been telling me you were going to get me new cabinets for ten years!” said the wife. “They are a luxury and the ones we have are fine.” the husband replied. The next day the wife goes to visit her mother for two weeks. When she returns she is overjoyed to see a brand new kitchen waiting for her. She was so thrilled that every night when the husband got home she would have his favorite meal on the table and after dinner she would rub his feet as he read the paper in the recliner. A couple of weeks later a neighbor came by for a visit. After admiring the new cabinets she says, “All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the Kitchen.”

The last joke has so many “issues with it,” that I don’t know where to begin…crazy-smileyface
Let’s just say I’m glad the husband scored and no other square footage was singed.

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Aw. It’s okay to laugh every now and again… actually, as much as you can, Boo.
I’m Qui
Hello to thee:
laughter-pill

What the L

In Communication, Griot, Networking, Self Improvement on December 11, 2015 at 8:00 am

what-the-L-qe

Good morning good people, take a hit and pass
I’m not on a mission about dissin’ – I’m all about the laugh.

Reality is running rampart, may comedy dispel,
and this little segment is something I like to call:

What The L!!

No this little ‘spit out’ has nothing to do with Samuel L,
but the fact that his pic came up on the research – was funny as hell.

Please don’t forget to laugh for a spell whilst you’re on your grind.
If there’s nothing around to invoke ‘the clown,’ laugh at your own behind.

I laugh at me all of the time.
I’m quite the clutz when I’m not in rhyme.

Not immune to falling down in public, though I’m quick to get up.
My fitness game is hardly lame, I fall and get up to keep my abs cut!

Now who’s laughing at whom?
Like I said, if I laugh at me – you know I’m-a laugh at you.

So go ‘head and do what you do. Look in the mirror and laugh
Life is only what you make it – less offense – more goofy gas.

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Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”  [ref. source: laughfactory.com]

Scene: A conversation with my friend’s father, who knows I do 
Web design.

Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook?
Me: Oh, very easy.
Friend: He doesn’t mean to make 
a Facebook profile. He means to 
remake all of Facebook.
Me: Oh. Very hard.
Father: Oh, OK.
[ref. source: readersdigest.com – credit to: clientsfromhell.net]

tissue-toilet-paper-joke Q. What does Santa like to do in the garden?
A. Hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A: Holly Davidson.

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.

Q: Why don’t aliens celebrate Chistmas?
A: Because they don’t want to give away their presence.
[ref. source: funology.com]

Grown Party Humor::

Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?flower-pollenating-sex-joke
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
[ref. source: thoughtcatalog.com]

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It’s the weekend baby! Yes, it’s here again.
Happy Festivus! Go out and kick it with friends.

Good memories are made when you’re with loving folks
and I just armed you with a good array of jokes.

What the L! All is swell – use them and don’t be shy!
But only if you want to be the absolute parties delight!

Alright, some of these jokes are a little risque and some a tad bit strong,
I’m Qui
and they’re all good to me. When dealing jokes – you really can’t go wrong.

What The L!